Overcoming the dreaded “Friend” title

It happens to everyone. You meet this great person and take the time to get to know them. Internally you are amazed at how much you seem to have in common. Patiently you wait for them to realize how perfect you are for each other and WHAM, the unthinkable happens. Instead of being asked out on a date, you’re told that you are such a great friend.

How does it happen? Why is it that you have emerging feelings for this person and yet you have been shuffled into the friend zone unknowingly? Overnight any hope about being honest about your feelings disappears and is replaced with the horrible knowledge that you may soon be asked about dating advice to catch someone’s attention.

So what do you do?

First off it’s extremely important to analyze your relationship and feelings. How important is their friendship to you? Are your feelings serious or that of a mild crush? Could these feelings be a result of jealousy because they may suddenly have found someone, while you yourself are alone? Finally, would you be able to remain friends if the feelings you have are not reciprocated?

Secondly you need to ask yourself why they may never have considered you in that light. When you first met were you both open and honest about what you were looking for in a significant other? Have you ever talked about past relationships and experiences? Have you ever shrugged off or understated your feelings for them, making them believe all you felt for them was platonic?

What can you do?

It is very possible that you have been sending out subconscious signals that oppose your feelings. Sitting with your arms crossed can show a person that you are closed off and not willing to open up emotionally. Instead of slouching into the chair, try to sit with your shoulders back and arms facing up, in an open position. When sitting together, instead of sitting far apart, sit close enough that your legs have the potential to touch. Make eye contact when talking, and be sure to smile and talk about topics you both enjoy. Without making it awkward, use light touch to make your presence known. If you are walking outside, you can lightly place your hand on their back to guide them.

Unfortunately life isn’t a fairy tale and for some people there is no happy ending with the friend. No matter how hard you try the other person may never be able to get to that point in the relationship. In some cases because you have been friends for such a long time, the other person has trained themselves to not feel that way. They may feel panicked at the thought of change or what could happen if the relationship didn’t work out. If these cases, hopefully by being honest you can both continue to be friends.

If you succeed in escaping the friend zone and start to explore a relationship, be honest about what you consider important. Underline the fact that their friendship is extremely important to you and that dating will not ruin it. Being open about any doubts or fears can increase the intimacy and strengthen the relationship against future problems.

Finally, congratulate yourself on breaking out of the box labelled ‘friends only,’ no matter the outcome you were brave enough to try and fight for what you want.

www.match.com

www.zoosk.com

www.eharmony.com

When you become a single mother, it can be a scary thing to think about dating and meeting new people, especially if you have just gotten divorced. It is important to remember that it takes time to heal from a break-up and to feel ready for a new relationship. The amount of time it takes varies for each person. There is no shame in focusing on yourself and your children for a while before seeking out a new relationship. Once you are ready, however, the Internet provides you with plenty of sites to meet new people and maybe find Mr. Right.

Your Profile

The first step in online dating is to set up your profile. Each website requires different information that will appear in your profile. Some sites use the profile information you include to help you find a match. Others leave you free to browse profiles and choose your dates at your own discretion. The most important thing to remember when creating your profile is honesty. Think long and hard about what you are looking for and what you want in a mate and a relationship. Be honest about yourself to ensure that you find the best possible matches. If you put it all out there, including the fact that you have children, you are more likely to find men who will accept you.

Single Mothers Dating – Pay or Not?

Many websites offer a free trial so you can try out their service. With a free trial, you are often able to create your profile and browse through existing profiles. Whether you are allowed to contact other users depends on the site. Some sites allow you to make contact during your trial period, while others require you to upgrade your service before you can make contact. In some cases, websites allow women to use the site for free, while requiring men to pay. However, if you are truly serious about using an online dating site, paid subscriptions often offer more advantages and may help you find a better match.

Single Mothers Dating – First Contact

Once you find a man that catches your interest, you must then decide whether you want to contact him. Keep an open mind if you do decide to contact him. Some men are uncomfortable with a woman making the first move, while others may not be interested in your profile. Therefore, it is important to not take it personally if a man does not reply. Just take it as a sign that you are not meant to be together and move on. If the man does respond, proceed cautiously, particularly with children involved. Communicate through the website for a while before giving him your personal contact information and before agreeing to meet him in person.

Single Mothers Dating – Be Watchful

Just because you are honest with your profile does not mean that everyone else will do the same. This is why it is often important to take things slowly before giving out personal information. Communicate through the website and through instant messaging and emails for a while. Ask plenty of questions and watch for inconsistencies. Even if you do not find any inconsistencies, proceed with caution each step of the way. When you first agree to meet, choose a public place with lots of people around. Do not take the children with you and always make sure someone knows exactly where you are going and who you are meeting. Only when you truly feel comfortable should you give him your phone number and address.

Single Mothers Dating – Involving Children

If the two of you are truly meant to be together, he will understand that you need to take things slowly, especially where the children are involved. Don’t let any man force you into involving the children too quickly. In fact, it is best to wait until you are sure that the relationship will at least be long-term before you introduce your new man to your children. Especially young children easily become attached to new people. You want to make sure that he is going to be around so your children don’t lose someone else in their lives. When you do involve the children, move slowly and choose a family-friendly function. If the children are uncomfortable, wait before bringing your man around them again.

Single Mothers Dating – Keep Your Head Up

Just like your earlier relationships before you got married, not all relationships will work out. If things do not work out, don’t lose faith in online dating. Get back out there and try again. Until you know that a relationship is really going somewhere, keep your online profile up. Many sites allow you to disable your profile temporarily while you pursue a relationship. If the relationship does not work out, you can just re-enable your profile and begin again. Don’t let one bad relationship spoil your view of online dating.

www.match.com

www.zoosk.com

www.eharmony.com

Everyone wants to feel comfortable on a date.  In order to really get to know each other, it’s important both parties are able to let their hair down and be themselves.  But just how relaxed should you be?   What is a good level of personal boundary to maintain?  Is there such a thing as being too relaxed?

Here are a few scenarios you might want to look at prior to your next date so that you start off with the right impression:

Be Neat and Clean on a date

Your clothing should always be neat, clean and up-to-date no matter how comfortable you want to feel.  For a casual date, dress as you would be expected to at work on a casual day, and dress in business formal wear for more formal dates.  If you’ve been wearing the same clothes and shoes for years, chances are they are out-of-date and worn out.  Dressing nicely and up-to-date will give an impression that you care about yourself and want to impress your date.If you’re hoping for several dates in the future, you might want to give your closet an overhaul.  If you need some help in choosing the right clothing, ask a store clerk to help you choose flattering and appropriate items.

Focus less on yourself on a date

If you work out and take care of yourself, that’s great, but if you spend too much time focused on your looks and talking about your hot body, your next workout, an upcoming competition or your latest diet program, it might seem like you’re consumed with yourself.   No one wants to be with someone that is full of themselves.

Check your language at the door

Your date might laugh at a dirty joke, but they might be trying to be polite.  It’s always a good idea to check your language and choose more appropriate conversation for your dates.  If in doubt, don’t take your date somewhere that might easily offend them.

Table manners

In some countries burping is a compliment to a chef, or so they say, but not too many people really want to hear you belch.  Eliminating gas in any way should be carried out in private.

Control yourself on a date

You might describe yourself as a social drinker, but even social drinkers can go overboard.  Self-respect and a sense of control is a better way to go.  Don’t risk leaving a bad impression by getting tipsy or unruly because of drinking too much.   Furthermore, don’t drink and drive.

Loose lips

Be cautious of who you talk about and what you say.  Just as people are offended at times when you disagree with their political or religious beliefs, criticizing people can reflect poorly on you.  Gossiping easily backfires too.  Choose interesting topics instead of dissecting other people.

Listen

Are you all talk, no listen?  One of the best gifts to give another person is to listen.  Everyone likes it when other people are interested in them.  Ask your date questions.  Look into your date’s eyes.  Repeat back what you think you’ve heard your date say.  Ask for clarity.  There is nothing that draws two people together faster than a sense of mutual understanding.

On your next date, do relax but in a way that shows off your best qualities.  Be yourself, but pack up any questionable behavior and resist the temptation to let it all hang out too far.